Coming out of the Storm

Dear readers, I wanted to share with you the odyssey that has been my life these past 3 weeks. I had been very sick, not with lupus, but with pneumonia. I had a type of pneumonia called mycoplasma that is in the air.  People whose immune system are surpressed like yours truly are at a higher risk of getting it, just like I am at a higher risk of getting infected with anything and anyone. Ah the perks of lupus and its meds! 

Anyway, the reason I wanted to share this with you is for several reasons. It’s to inform my readers and anyone who may stumble upon my blog to learn and to become aware of the things in life that usually humans don’t think about. My symptoms started with an acute chest pain that barely allowed me to breathe. It was a desperate moment for me because as you know breathing is kind of essential for living. I was scared because my left arm had also started hurting, so my mind started going crazy places. I immediately stopped at an urgent care close to my home and the doctor said I could not stay there and called 911 and sent me to the hospital. Once again, on an ambulance. It had been a while since I had been on one of those, but nevertheless there I was. They took me to the hospital and there they told me I had moderate to severe pneumonia. I want to add that this type of pneumonia takes about 1 to 3 weeks for it manifests itself. I couldn’t believe it since I had had no other symptoms. The fatigue I had felt I thought it was lupus related since it’s not an uncommon symptom for us lupies to feel, but nope! Pneumonia!!!! 

I was in the hospital for 4 days. Receiving 2 types of antibiotics, IV for hydration and my regular meds. I felt tired, sick and my mind was foggy. Either way since the pneumonia had supposedly diminished I was released from the hospital and sent home to rest from all activities for 7 days and to continue taking the same antibiotics. The result of those antibiotics was that I started an allergic reaction to them. They were killing me. That’s why I felt like a zombie at all times, could barely move, barely ate, barely spoke. I started getting fevers of 100.1 + everyday. I went to the hospital and they told me that those antibiotics had caused me to have an allergic reaction, and the way I was feelings was a result of it. They quickly took me off the other antibiotics and put me on a new treatment. I am a feeling like my old self again. My brain is not foggy, my energy has increased, I want to eat! I feel painless. The lupus is still here and strong, but I am stronger.  I am happy that they caught this, and that I went back to the hospital because I honestly think I would have died. 

God took me on a journey that was difficult but in this journey I learned a lot about the people who surround me.  Thank you to all of those that came to my rescue. Especially my mother with whomout her my life would be worthless. Only a mother catches a plane and stays with her sick daughter putting at risk her job. Only a mother sacrifices her all to be by her child in their time of need. 

Thank you my most merciful God. Thank you mom. Thank you friends.

Bless you all! 

Love is Conditional 

Once upon a time there was a man that said he loved me, and that I was his reason for living. No. This man was not my ex-husband, although if it would have been the result would have been the same. This was another man, a man whom comforted me and came into my life trying to take over everything I was and did. He was a force that while he wanted he didn’t leave me alone but one day I decided to no longer stay quiet because his love was inappropriate and forbidden. But because he did not want anyone to know how he felt, all the meanwhile professing his love for me, he became embarrassed, apalled at the fact that I no longer stayed quiet. I “betrayed” him. 

It’s funny how conditional love can be. I realize that all of his care and attention was with the intention to one day have me. All of a sudden his love disappeared. Are all men the same? I wonder. I guess no matter the age, I keep finding the same type of man.

 However, I am glad this happened because he never would have stopped. He never would have left me and stopped controlling me.  I wish him well. I hope he finds happiness, and I hope the years he has left he will be able to be at peace. 

Did Anyone say Injustice? 

I’ve decided to write this posting because there have been some things happening in my personal life that have obligated me to see the mistakes I have made, and the mistakes I currently make. 

I think my biggest mistake is trusting people that do not value it. Secondly, my tendency to talk when I am very emotional. I must learn that silence is also a gift, not just the ability to express well what we want to say. 

I have learned through the Catholic Church that God loves me with all of my imperfections. And if I am truly asking for His forgiveness He will grant me that. I have asked God for forgiveness for the words I have spoken, for the thoughts I have had, and He has granted me that. How do I know? He has given me the ability to understand and to have inner peace. I am sorry that some people are stuck in the past, and are not willing to see the person I have become. Life is a learning process, some of us make bigger mistakes than others, but we all make mistakes. No one is exempt from the “growing pains”. 

There is a sense of disappointment and despair when people accuse you of things that are half true. What do I mean by that? Making a generalizing statement when in reality there is no validity to it. I hope that God is able to forgive those people that think they are “good” and refuse to see the harm/ hurt they cause in others. I have been blessed with the defect of being honest enough to admit when I am being devious- basically when I am acting essentially human. But I guess that’s what makes me unique in my own way. I make mistakes- yes! I have been filled with anger- yes! But my heart is not a bad one. I help those that have hurt me, and if they are not able to recognize that then I feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for those that are not capable of admitting their faults, and tend to play the “victim role”. 

FYI: I have a wonderful job, amazing academic trajectory, and I have loving parents that keep me going in the face of adversity. I honestly don’t have that much time to sit around and gossip about what is and what is not. 

God Bless you all. 

Change? Inevitable. 

Sometimes that hardest things in life are the most necessary. A chapter has closed and a new one has opened. I am actively trying to find peace and tranquility. I have taken a huge step, but there are others that must be taken. I see tears, sadness and anguish but…

“When you go through deep waters. I will be with you” – Isaiah 43:2

I am taking with me the memories: the laughter, the conversations, the lessons learned, the tears shed and using them to keep me when I miss or feel lonely. I thank God for every moment. I would not change them one little bit.  

A drink to celebrate life. :-) 

Liberating Words :-)

I’ve been having so many thoughts lately that keep me completely involved in myself, but what I have noticed is that my thoughts always get me in trouble. I mean, I don’t want to say I am impulsive, although I was very impulsive back in the day. I am just tired of people’s excess of time, and how they choose to spend it. I tend to keep quiet as things are happening, until one day I cannot stay quiet any longer and I explode. Then it turns out I’m the bad guy. This tends to be a pattern with me. But what most people don’t realize, which I guess goes well with human behavior, is the fact that for the past x amount of months or certain events I have been silent. As long as I’m quiet everything is good, right?

There’s a quote by Meryl Streep that I am seeing all over FB, and although she’s a lot older than me, I kind of feel like her at this point in my life. With the exception the last sentence, where she talks about people and animals, I can say I agree with the rest.

“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.”

One of my main faults is always caring too much for people’s opinions. Where has it led me?  I have people who think they have a right to say whatever they want about my life. And the daring who get upset when I try to do something that doesn’t agree with their style of life. Yes, I have my imperfections, after all that’s what makes this life wonderful: human imperfection in a very perfect way. But I deserve to have peace, and to just disengage from the things that cause me to feel stressed, less, humiliated, abandoned, not appreciated, etc.

Have a Blessed Day!

Why Blog? 

I’ve been doing supervision to obtain my mental health counselor license in Florida. During this weekly hour I talk about my clients, and how to continue helping them when I get stuck. However, I have found myself using the last 2 weeks to talk about myself, and I guess I’ve been doing what you call venting. I’ve been trying to make sense of some things that are happening in my life. I guess being in the client chair is what I have been needing. But the reason I am writing this post is not to bore you with the fact that I have to do weekly supervision, but it is in fact to tell you something extremely interesting my supervisor brought up. I spoke about my blog (this blog- haha), and while my supervisor listened, she asked me one simple question: “what are you trying to obtain by exposing your life through social media?” Her question left me dumbfounded because in all honesty I was not expecting it. I found myself defending myself for having this blog, and explaining to her why it was a good tool. Ironically, this same supervisor a few months back had said, “Do anything that you can to feel better with and about yourself”. Wise words had never been spoken. My supervisor without her knowledge had supported my blogging. LOL I guess the words we say can be applied to many aspects of a person’s life. While I don’t write about every bit of my life, I use it when I need it the most. I have shared with my readers some hurtful things, some private things, I have even used my blog to advocate for others, and most recently I used it to share my happy news. I have never taken my blog as an exposé to demand someone’s pity or attention. I feel good writing. It feels good to vent through the written word, I guess that’s why it’s such a powerful and common tool used in CBT. I honestly don’t know if this blog is being used to its full capacity since my family reads it, and sometimes I have to censor the things I saw to not hurt those around me, but in some ways it has helped me. I will keep those to myself, however. 
I have tried to finish my posts with a thank you to my readers. I want to take this time to sincerely thank you again. The fact that someone cares to read my posts means a lot to me. :-) 
God Bless you all. 

A New Phase :-)

I cannot be more excited to share with you that I will be starting a doctoral program at Barry University! I am very excited for this new phase in my life, and I am waiting and hoping that I will be able to use the education I am to receive to help others as much as I can. As I succeed in achieving my life’s goals I can not help but remember the words of the man I was once married to when he told me that I may not able to do anything else with my life because I was sick. I have realized that those words led my existence for far too long. It was hard for me to accept that a person with whom I planned an entire life had turned into this vicious individual. But nevertheless those words were a guiding force. They helped me in my motivation to achieve, to persevere, and so far I have. God has helped me in every step of the way, not only by His eternal love for me, but with the people He has strategically placed in my life that have helped me feel better and be a better human being. 

I have also realized that I lost many people along the way. As an aside, if you “lose a friend” that person should have never been placed in the “friends” category. When I was diagnosed with lupus, I lost so many people that only 2 stayed with me. These girls I consider my sisters. But as time has progressed, as I have grown, matured, learnt, become more faithful, I have found or re-found amazing people with whom I spent time with, and their love and care for me help me every day of my life. I have support from people I never would have imagined. I am grateful for their kindness and dedication. 

Thank you to all of those who love me even though I have days where I am in pain, bad tempered, depressive, etc. Thank you!!!


Amazing Song…Good Pick Me Up

This song is a great reminder for those who forget their worth. We have to believe in ourselves. :-)Amazing!
I am adding the video with the English lyrics at the bottom, so you can understand it. Don’t forget to like!

Creo En Mi by Natalia Jimenez

I Believe In Me

I’ve been told I’m a good for nothing
and the air I breathe is of more
I’ve been nailed to the wall against the sword
I’ve lost the will to even cry

But my back is turned
I’m standing and alert
To me left from zero does not apply

oooh, oooh, oh, I believe in me
oooh, oooh, oh, I believe in me

Missiles nor bullets scare me
So much war has gave me metal wings, haaa
I glide freely and fly over grenades
Never again will I be dragged through the floor

I’m no longer for sale
I’m standing and alert
To me left from zero does not apply

ooh, ooh, oh, I believe believe believe in me
ooh, ooh, oh, I believe believe believe

We’re all so different, unique, originals
If you don’t like it, I do. not. care
Out of everything that has happened the best is yet to come

oooh, oooh

oooh, oooh, oh, I believe in me
oooh, oooh, oh, I believe in me

Taken from

Has Anyone Ever Thought of This?

I have never been what you call a typical teenager, young adult, and now an adult. Ever since I can remember I was surrounded by people who were older than me. I was the youngest on both sides of my parent’s family, so I guess you can say I became used to being, appreciating and learning from people who were older than me. In all honesty, I am grateful for the life I had and have because my reasoning of things have always been of a different caliber than of a person my age.

However, I can understand when friends or acquaintances closer to my age asks themselves, why is it that I enjoy hanging out with people who are 20, 30, even 40 years my senior. And honestly I can say that the things I learn from their experiences help me become a better person. I appreciate things through their world view and I understand and value what they have to teach not through theory but through their life experiences, which no schooling can teach. I consider myself a lucky woman to have the opportunity to spend time with people that are willing to teach me, take care of me, and value the person I am and the person I continue to become.

There is also the stance that I am almost 30 years old… well in 3 years, but still! (Haha)  My wants and needs are not the wants and needs of a 23, 24, 25 year old; as silly as that may sound. I am ready for a family, stability, and a home. I already passed my party years; the drinking, the experimenting, the discovering. Now I am ready to discover a life with a life partner that is willing to love me and give me the family I desire, and hopefully one day will achieve. In the meantime, I am enjoying the people who are often discounted as valuable members in our society. The older a person, the more experience, and the more they have to offer others. Never take a person for granted because there is always room to learn. There is always the possibility to create new bonds, new friendships, and possibly new families.

God Bless you all.


Recently, my family arrive, specifically my aunt and my grandmother are visiting us from Cuba. I had planned, coordinated, saved with them in mind these last few months. It was with much heartache that I soon realized they would not be staying with me. My aunt and cousin that live in Georgia drove down to my house, and from there we all drove to Miami to pick them up at the airport. The excitement I felt waiting for my loved ones to appear was unexplainable. Although, I was tired and in pain, I was extremely happy to see them. I felt like a little girl reunited with her family. My parents were the only ones missing, and I surely missed them. So, we received them, and 2 days later it was decided I would be left alone. I would be left exactly as I was found. But this is something I could stand, after all I made the decision to move down to Florida without my family, and I have been doing okay. I have my moments of loneliness. I have my moments of despair, but I know God is there, and I know that by making a phone call to my the woman who gave me life my worries diminish.

Going back to my family that just arrived for a 3 month visit. I felt the dynamic to be distant even though there is love between us. So this is where the title of this posting will make sense. In October of 1995, my parents, brother and I boarded a plane to come to the promise land leaving our family behind. That implied a better future for us, but a distancing from the family that saw me when I was born, raised me and took care of me. I lost that spiritual connection with them. It hurts me to admit it, but I am no longer a part of that family circle. I am the granddaughter, niece, cousin that left her family to have a bright future. It is true that with the good always comes that bad. With this thought, I can’t help but think of Fidel Castro and the destruction of millions of families separated for the same reason. Fidel Castro does not pay in a million years what he has done to the people of Cuba. No one understands what it is like to live in a country where freedom is an idea, never a reality. Where families leave their country, not because they want to but because they have to. Doing something as an obligation for a better life is not the same as doing something for the pleasure of it, as I am sure many of you have realized.

May you have a Blessed day.