Peace

We are celebrating Black History month. I feel proud to live in a country that celebrates the successes of each race and ethnic background. Every year, through social media, I find out something new about the innovations that were created by African Americans (AA). I think that is absolutely wonderful! However, I also see resentment coming from AA to White Americans (WA) and Hispanics. From WA to AA and Hispanics, and the inverse. So, basically I see a lot of successes in all 3 races that history has proven, but somehow there is still so much resentment.

The world is at war. Everyone finds a reason to hate another human being, country, organization, etc. There are so many things that need our attention. Instead we focus our energy on destruction and chaos.

I am not a perfect human being by any extent of the word. I am a fighter by many definitions. But I cannot understand why people do not focus all of their energy to make this a better place to live. Instead, people think that by causing more chaos they will make a difference.

Martin Luther King, Jr. said it best “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” Let’s listen to this great man that fought so hard to have equality, freedom and peace.

Blessings.

 

Life

Good morning!

Boy- has it been a morning, and an evening, and actually a January! You would think that after all of the experiences I have had, in my short life, I would be more wary and hesitant to fall into people’s deceiving ways. However, that has not been the case. To people’s defense though, I honestly believe it is my fault, not theirs, because I see the patterns and I continue. I have been down that road before, and I know what waits for me on the other side, but somehow I tend to think it will be different. This time is my time! But no, it truly is not.

I have had such a high of disappointments that started and were confirmed during this month. It’s astonishing. I had a crying spell yesterday thinking of how betrayed I have felt by people that have said to love me dearly. How disappointing it has been to feel abandoned over and over again. How funny it is that people are quick to say, “you kicked me out, I did not leave you” but in reality, folks, we all know that when a person truly wants something they fight for it- clean and without fears. So, I will leave that one alone, but let’s be honest about that. So, when a person tells me something like what I quoted, it just lets me know that 1. you don’t care as much as you say 2. your loyalty is not with me 3. you deceive people because that is who you are.

So, what have I learned in the month that has passed. People can be as hurtful, deceiving, and conniving as they can be loving, helpful and kind. The worst part is that this can happen in an instant. In a moment, they go from sweet to evil. Scary but true.

If you start seeing patterns about a previous relationship- stay away. Save yourself the heartache, the hurt, the disillusionment and disappointment. It will not be different. I speak from recent experience. It is with a heavy heart that I write this, that a realize this, and that I am able to verbalize it and finally comes to terms with it.

 

Someone told me the not too long ago that I constantly wait for life or God to take care of the people that cause me harm. At first, I felt offended by that because I think it was meant to be a hurtful remark. But, what else can I do? I can take matters into my own hands and take off the mask of the people that have caused me such deep pain, but I do not find it necessary because I know that their turn will come. I know that no one leaves this life without paying for the wrong they have done to others. So, I sit and observe as things fall by their own weight.

 

Blessings.

Counting Blessings 

In looking back at the 2 1/2 years I have been in FL, I can’t help but think of the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. From Thanksgiving to New Years, I think it is important to look at what we have accomplished during the year, and how we have used those blessings. 

My blessings:

  • Sold and bought a new home
  • Live 10 minutes from work
  • Have amazing parents
  • Have wonderful friends
  • My job will pay for my PhD 🙂
  • Became a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) 
  • Have competent doctors that help make me feel better 
  • Have good insurance 
  • I have all of my body parts and they are all functional- we often take this one for granted. 

I am sure there are many more blessings that I have had and others I have acquired. However, these are the ones that resonate with me often. 

Please take the time to look at the wonderful and positive things that are a part of your life.

Be safe this Holiday Season. 

Much love. 

MMD 

Politics? Meh! 

In light of the major event that has caused many feelings in the American society, many things have come to show. I have never been interested in politics. My feelings on the topic is far from pleasant. I will share a bit now, though. I honestly believe that politics are the nastiest, most deceiving and conniving practice there is. I understand the importance of it, but I also know that it’s power given to a regular human being like you,my reader, or myself. Some people have a hard time being honest, being caring and humane when they have so much money and power at their disposal. That being said, it’s a necessary evil.

I will not disclose for whom I voted since it’s not revelant for me. I have set my mind to think that I did not vote since it’s a happier place for me. I was in shock to realize that people unfriended and blocked me on FB because they considered my vote to be in the wrong. Let me specify that these people are mental health professionals. Meaning that they could be your therapist at any given time. Imagine the disappointment I felt, not only because they assumed and quickly blocked me, but the fact that these are “trained” professionals (or so I thought) that are there to show empathy, give support and accept things even if they are not in agreement. I feel concern and ultimately sorry for these “therapists”. Not a good way to work on impulses, prejudice, differences of opinions, etc.- which leads to professional growth.  I am glad that I will never be their client, and I feel sorry for those that will be. It’s a fine line with them, I feel comfortable to say. As a counselor myself, I have had to learn to be accepting and put behind me the things I don’t agree with. It’s part of what makes my profession difficult. 

This schpeel is not to cause any harm. It’s because I am surprised. It took me a good 2 weeks to realize the absurdity of the situation I was placed in without being given a chance to defend myself. It’s an awful feeling! So I will repeat what I wrote on FB that made so many people upset: I am very proud to be an American! GOD BLESS AMERICA! 

Take care. Be happy. Be merry. Look for your blessings and keep moving forward. 

Neither Here Nor There

It has been a while since I dedicated some time to my blog. It feels out of place somehow. But in speaking to a colleague the other day, I shared about my blog and he reminded me that my blog needed some TLC. So here I am! So much has happened since my last posting. Among other things I changed jobs, which was one of the best decisions of my life! I am excited to embark in the world of academia. I am also in the process of moving, which requires me sell my current home and buying a new one closer to my job. It’s a lot of stress and a bit overwhelming, especially since I am doing this alone, but it helps me to grow and learn a little everyday.

I feel so happy with where my life is at this moment. Although, the loneliness kicks in at times. But I am patiently waiting, and to be honest I am not looking for my prince charming which obviously took a detour somewhere and he is currently finding his way to me. LOL   I must make a joke out of this, and I am grateful I can if not I would be crying and lamenting.

Something extremely exciting that happened to me was I went skydiving. Well, I shouldn’t say happened to me, but rather I pursued- haha.  As most people, I too have a bucket list and in that bucket list skydiving was definitely present. So, after a few months of thinking and talking to people that had done it I took the plunge! It was the best experience of my life so far, and I am so happy I did it! It was liberating, accelerating, and just plain fun! I am fortunate that considering I have a chronic illness I was able to do this. I never would have thought that after barely being able to walk I would be able to skydive and doing successfully… it was a great accomplishment for me, and I will never forget it. 🙂 I have shared the video with you, if you are interested in sharing the experience with me.

To count my blessings: I love the parents God gave me, the nieces he brought into my life, my friends who love me and accept me as I am, and lastly my health, which has been so much better.

Blessings,

MMD

Realizing My Mistake(s)

Today I had a very clear conversation with one of my best friends (I have 2). This conversation helped me realize the mistake that I keep repeating. I keep meeting people of the same caliber, it always starts the same. Allow me to explain. 

These are the words of the 3 men who have approached me professing their undying love for me. “I love you, you’re perfect or almost perfect”. “Your love is my reason for living”. “Never leave me”. Blah blah blah. They make me believe these words, which I always fall for and then one day decide that “I am crap”.”You are not what you appear to be”.  Comments like that of course make me think “Have I in fact changed?” “Am I really not what I appear to be?” The answer is no. I always am the same person. I am explosive, flirty, demanding, loving, passionate, honest, no filter, but always with the most sincere and faithful love. That is who I am, nothing more than what people hate me or love me for. So when I analyze those words,  I realize that these men project onto me the fact that they have changed, that they expected something of me, something they created in their minds and when I did not deliver to their liking I became damaged goods. 

I am sorry for myself that I keep attracting and accepting people in my life that will ultimately say the thing at the end. The worst part is that I feel it and know it but I proceed anyway. One day I will learn. ONE DAY! Pray for me enlightenment!! 

Have a good night. Blessings everyone! 

Marriage and Divorce 

I haven’t had time to write in a while, but I found it necessary to write about this particular topic. There are two people in my life for whom I deeply care, whose stories have touched my heart and for this reason I have taken the time to write about it.  These friends are stuck in marriages that make them unhappy, however they are still in them. For obvious reasons I will not disclose who they are; a man and a woman that have never met but are in similar situations. I am sure if they read this they will know this post is dedicated to them. As a helping professional I try to process with them to make their marriages better, other times I support them in their decision to simply divorce and go on about their life. 

While these thoughts come and go and they share with me, I have a hard time understanding why two healthy, vibrant, beautiful souls would stay in marriages where their value is not appreciated or taken seriously. I truly believe in marriage, and for this reason I believe that any marriage can be fixed, but there is one thing that needs to happen both partners have to want it. This is where the problem lies- their partners don’t really want to work at it, they are fine the way it is, meanwhile my friends at hurting and miserable. How many marriages survive throughout the years like this? I suffered a lot when my marriage ended, but after 4 years I have to admit that it was for the best. It never would have worked out and I would probably be in the same situation these two dear friends of mine are in. 

I have to ask where is their self esteem? What is their perception of a relationship? Do they not see their worth? 

I would love for these loving and caring people would find someone that worships them and sees them for who they are, amazing human beings that are in need of love, caresses, time and affection. What else is there for me to do but to support and care for them as I hope one day they will have the courage to walk away from a marriage that does not fulfill their needs. 

People = Weird

Good Evening, everyone!

As many of you know I work in the counseling field. I have an MS in Clinical Counseling, and I am currently working on my PhD also in counseling. But I always get amazed at people’s reactions to things. I have discovered that if a 50 year old acts and reacts like a child, it is because when they were in fact a child in physiology they were not taken care of properly. But rather their loved ones thought that by allowing them to “be themselves” that was loving them.

I have learned that loving someone does not mean to take all of their negative behavior. It does not mean to allow them to be disrespectful, insecure, offensive, etc. Loving someone means helping them to be better. How? Teaching them, allowing them to explore their likes and dislikes, help them grow as individuals, help them become intellectuals. Plant a seed and see it grow. That is what my internship supervisor used to say to me while I was doing my Master’s. Maybe you will not see the end result, but give them the tools, and they will decide when to use them.

It really saddens me to see that people judge without knowing anything about the person. It makes me sadder when it happens to me. I have been a victim of this many times, and while I understand it is not a reflection of the person I am, but rather the person they are, it still hurts. Part of growing up is making a decision based on a person’s individual knowledge and understanding, not by what they think is or by others opinions or feelings. Maybe I am completely wrong, but I think the world could be a nicer place if people thought for themselves and gave everyone a fair chance. Of course this would not be the be all and end all of making the world a “better place”.

Just rambling thoughts, but in my mind they all make sense.

Have a good night, everyone. 🙂

 

Triple P

I am sure many of you are wondering why the title of this post is called “Triple P”, it’s very simple, I want to inform you about it. Triple P stands for Positive Parenting Program, and it is currently what I am doing for work. I go to client’s houses, which are parents that have a child age 1- 12 who is exhibiting negative behavior. The mother, father or both have tried other things, but have not been able to find a resolution, so they try Triple P.

I must tell you that the only reason I am writing about this program it’s because it truly works. At first I did not believe it. I started working at my organization because it was what was offered at the time, I mean, coming from a conventional counseling perspective parenting classes was not at the top of my desired area of work, if that makes any sense. However, I can attest to the fact that this program does work. I see it in my client’s faces, their interactions with their children, and most importantly in the child’s behavior. So I proudly call myself a Triple P Practitioner.

Unfortunately this program is not offered all over the State of Florida.  It is limited, as a matter of fact it is limited all over the USA, and while it is used internationally it is not appreciated enough.

Allow me to give you a little information about this amazing program. It was created in Australia by a clinical psychologist, Matt Sanders. He researched for 30 years the interactions of children and parents, and came up with Triple P. This program is evidence based, which means that it has been proven to work. I urge all parents to look this up, and if they feel they have the time or interest they should seek out this service.

In the Palm Beach County area it is completely free, which I think is great for all of those parents or grandparents that want to be better but cannot afford to pay for services. I recently became certified in it, after a 3 day training and a 2 hour certification test. Very worthwhile, I plan to use it with my own children one day as well as with my nieces. Knowledge is power! 🙂

Have a blessed night.

Apocalypse?

I wonder what compels a person to do something behind someone’s back? Is it that they do not care for the effect that action will have, or is it because they want to hurt others? Maybe it’s because people tend to be so incredibly hurtful towards others that even after expressing pain people continue to do the same kinds of acts.

I often think about the world, and how it will end. Being a Catholic I believe in the Apocalypse, but how we will get there is uncertain. However, I have my own theory that the human race will end because humans will end it. How?

The 7 deadly sins. The Bible wrote it for us.

  1. lust
  2. gluttony
  3. greed
  4. sloth
  5. wrath
  6. envy
  7. pride

But also I think selfishness has a lot to do with it. Humans tend to think about themselves, and how they will feel, and forget about the so called people they love. Life should not be so complicated. It should be simple; if the person you love tells you “don’t do this because it hurts me” then that person should abide. Is that asking for too much? I honestly do not think so. But anyway, people are free to do what they think is right. Just as the hurt individual has a right to do what they think is right. Every action has its consequence. There’s a saying I often see on Facebook “You Are Free To Make Choices In Life But You Are Not Free From The Consequences Of Those Choices”. I love that! I have no idea who said it, but I could not agree with it more.

Have a good night everyone!